My days are filled with thoughts of My Rock...

Everyone says that it gets better with time. How much time is really the question. It's only been a couple of days and I can tell you that is not enough time. Today is my first day of coming home to just Prissy and Bo, everyday I get home from work and do the exact same things as the day before. I am nothing if not a creature of habit. Everett went to work today so it is back to my routine, I come in from work open the back door, find Prissy and help her to the door, then it's off to the boys' room and just for a brief second I was shocked to see Rocks house empty, for a split second I thought, "where's Rock!?", then my heart broke even further because I remembered.

I fed the two of them and then tried to spend a little time with Bo outside.

For now I guess I'll just keep waiting for the time everyone speaks of, the time when it gets better.

He Fought A Good Fight...

Sunday morning Rock woke up with a bloody mouth, not heavy bleeding but dripping, so Everett and I called our vet's office and they had a vet on call give us a call back. I told him about the cancer in his mouth and he said we could bring him in to his office and he would look at him if we wanted to, I told him it might be time to let him go and he said he would do whatever we thought needed to be done.

He looked in his mouth and said that there was no way it didn't hurt, the cancer had just eaten away at the right side of his mouth.

As bad as it was Rock never complained, he may have had days where he wasn't as energetic but once he took his pain medicine he seemed fine, even that morning after his pain medicine he seemed ok. Maybe that's just the way I wanted to see it because I was afraid of what was coming, either way he said that putting him down would be the best thing because it couldn't get much worse for him, so we had to let him go, he went peacefully in my arms and I had no idea I could hurt so much. It doesn't seem real, I expect to see him sitting at my feet waiting for his massage.

This morning was so hard, out of the three dogs he was the one to get up with me while I finished getting ready for work every morning. He would sit in the kitchen and watch me, you could see he was still very sleepy but he would wait for me to complete my routine and give him a treat and then he would go back to bed. This morning is the first morning he wasn't there, my little Prissy may have sensed it was hurting me because she got up and sat with me until I left so I gave her treats as well.

Loving something so unconditionally is something everyone should experience but there are those that never do. I didn't know I was capable of loving so much, of loving a simple little dog sooo much.

My Angel - My Rock
12/28/96 - 11/16/08

When You've Done All You Can Do...

Nearing the end is proving to be very hard. I gave Rock what just might be his last bath last night, he's lost quiet a bit of weight and has aged so much in the last few months. He is eating less and less every week and I've watched him go from a thriving young puppy to a frail old man. It feels like just yesterday that we brought him home and made him a part of our family, and that is exactly what he is, a big part of our family. I've loved him as much as a person could love another living being and I hate the fact that that love wasn't enough to stop this from happening to him, as with people it is often the good that suffer the most. I watched my mother fight for her life a few years ago and it was the most helpless feeling I've ever had and I have that same feeling watching him now. I truely felt I was watching her die and by the grace of god she survived, it is unfortunate that no amount of prayer will save my Rock.

There are times when he comes over to me and sits real close and just looks up at me staring me in the face, as if he's saying I love you. You can feel his little body just relax when I pet him and give him a hug, I kiss him on the top of his head and then he goes about his business.

Our love for him will go on long after he no longer can...

Evacuations were stressful...

Let's just say that evacuating is stressful on everyone but Rock may have taken it the hardest. We went some where the dogs were welcome however Rock being sick made it really hard for him. Being in a strange home was stressful for him and then even when we returned to our home the electricity was off for sometime and he didn't handle the heat very well, he didn't eat for 2 days, he didn't even want to smell it. He would push his food bowl clear across the room and he slept in the spot his kennel is usually in. A few hours after the electricity came back on and he had time to cool off I sat with him in his room for a while and hand fed him and the next day he was fine, he ate everything in his bowl and even had a second helping.

He's been coughing during the night with a raspy, dry cough so the cancer may be affecting his throat somewhat but other than that he is doing ok, no better but no worse for now.

We're thankful for everyday we have him.

The Smell of Cancer...

What is it about his cancer that smells so strange? Maybe it's because of where it is, his mouth. He has completed his round of antibiotics, I think it was a 10-day script. After he had been on it for a few days the smell seemed to go away but a few days ago it started coming back and so did his discomfort. He seems to still feel OK, eating and going out for walks so that's a positive.

Losing him right now would not be a good thing, we've had enough to deal with for the last couple of weeks. We buried my son's best friend a week ago and that had to be one of the hardest things he's ever had to go through. Another death right now would be hard for us all to handle.

Feeling A Little Better...

Well I started Rock on Antibiotics on Thursday evening and by Saturday he seemed to feel a little better than he had been. The infection doesn't seem as bad and his energy was up, he actually has a little spring in his step. It's amazing, when he feels good he can't hide it, he has to run everywhere, he runs to the water bowl and then back to his room, then he runs to the door for a quick trip outside then he runs back to his room, even when he has no where to go he runs across the room and then back again. We love to see him in motion because if he's not in motion then you know he's not feeling well. So keep running Rock!!!

Not such a good day...

Today is not a good day for him, he hasn't eaten anything but breakfast so good thing he was able to eat this morning. His mouth seems to be painful this evening I found him with his head under his pillow trying to hide from the world.

Sleeping in...

I wonder if he know's something is wrong, he certainly knows something is not right that's for sure. He wakes up later than usual in the mornings for his first trip outside and then he comes in and eats a little breakfast, he usually only eats once in the afternoons when I get back from work but since he can't eat much at a time I give him breakfast to make up for it. After breakfast he goes back to bed and sleeps for a few more hours. He looks like a little angel curled up sleeping.

Diagnosis Cancer

Ever since I can remember we have always had a dog or should I say multiple dogs. I really can't imagine our lives without at least one. I think to take a dog into your life and especially into your home is a huge responsibility. They are truly members of our family, when they are sick we get up in the middle of the night to check on them, whether it is to to administer medicine or clean up vomit or diarrhea, we do it all.

The approaching death of our beloved Rock prompted me to try and document our memories with him.

One of the worst things you could hear; It's CANCER. Whether it is one of your human family members or one of your animal family members doesn't matter, the pain is all the same especially when the outcome is death.

How do you make the decision to let them go, to not put them through the ringer trying to save them? You certainly do not want them to suffer but letting them go is so hard.